G20 in India: Another first under Modi Ji

When are we hosting the G20 Summit?

If you do not know this already, G20 India is a two day event, and will be held on September 9 and 10 in New Delhi. Given our penchant for littering and overcrowding traffic signals, especially on Fridays, parts of Delhi NCR are back in lockdown for G20, albeit a temporary one.

Over 90 trains have been cancelled on September 9 and 100 more on September 10. Flights to and from the Indira "Waiting to be Renamed" Gandhi International Airport are also being cancelled, although I forget how many.

Lastly, Swiggy and Zomato are also put on an administrative leave, so bachelors, be ready to cook your own meals.

World leaders arriving in India for G20

1. President Biden of the USA, with his stumbling "Contain China" policy.

2. French President Emmanuel Macron, a man struggling to be taken seriously.

3. Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese, a highly uncomfortable member of the Quad.

4. UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak, who is frankly in office just because they could not find a white guy to deal with the Brexit mess.

5. Chancellor Olaf Scholz of Germany, who was soundly outmanoeuvred by the US in sending those Leopard 2s to Ukraine.

6. Japanese Prime Minister Fumio Kishida, fresh from hosting the G7 in Hiroshima this May.

7. Brazilian President Luiza Ignacio Lula da Silva, the next in line for hosting G20 2024.

8. President Erdogan of Türkiye, who has just won a difficult re-election.

9. Prime Minister Sheikh Haseena, who has quietly built up the Bangladeshi economy over past few years.

"You Know Who" is missing the G20?

1. Russian President Vladimir Putin is again relying on his trusted Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov to deal with the international backlash to his "Special Military Operation" in Ukraine, and

2. Chinese Premier Xi Jinping is also giving the Indian G20 a miss for obvious reasons. A, occupying Indian territory, B, his support for Russian Federation, and C, when you know you are not welcome, you know. But interestingly, the Indian Government is still awaiting a written confirmation from the Chinese Dictat... err... Governmentship.

3. Ukrainian President, Volodymyr Zelensky, who has developed a rather annoying habit of popping up at international conferences with his fully paid up zoom.us subscription might also find it difficult to make an appearance this time around. Watch out for Zelensky's 'X' handle, where he will surely raise hue and cry for those F-16s and then some.

A little background to the G20 hocus pocus

For this part, we resort to plagiarising some text from the MoES website for the lack of time and effort, and mostly interest.

The G20 group of 19 countries and the European Union was established in 1999 as a platform for Finance Ministers and Central Bank Governors to discuss international economic and financial issues.

"Did they though?"

Seems not, because in the wake of global financial and economic crisis of 2007, which should not have happened if they did their jobs right, the G20 was elevated to the level of Heads of State.

Now it's called "a premium forum for Americans and Europeans to cry wolf about the Russians invading Ukraine." If you are interested in the boring version, look it up online.

Incidentally the finance ministers meet is now called the Finance Track and the world leaders meet is called the Sherpa Track.

The Prime Sherpas do look a bit past their prime imo.

The theme we wanted and the theme we got for G20

We really wanted to call for "Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam". It's like our hello tune for every international event. But had to settle for "the world is one family" because the Chinese took an issue with Sanskrit not being an official UN language. Typical Chinese pettiness, which shouldn't come as a surprise anymore.

Before you read further, I know that "Bado ki baat kaatni nahi chahiye" but that 'this' on the Ministry of Earth Sciences website riled up my inner Grammar Nazi. Happens to the best of us, and I am sure the PM will agree 2002 percent.

Prime Minister Narendra Modi reportedly said, "India's G20 Presidency will work to promote this a universal sense of one-ness. Hence our theme - One Earth, One Family, One Future."

Sounds a bit boring? Imagine some Indian Muslims smiling pointedly while reading that or the 10 Kuki families moved to the hills from Imphal and you will see a new meaning, promise.

The agenda for world leaders, includes talks about Green Development and Climate Finance. Frankly, the Americans and Europeans are hardly in the mood for any meaningful corrective actions on climate. The climate change deniers among us are really just waiting for a certain Donald Trump to join the "return to office" trend as soon as possible.

The second one is accelerated, inclusive and resilient growth, but for whom? It probably doesn't matter. The West is already there, and the rest of us simply do not have the budgets needed.

Third, fourth, fifth, again are more acceleration of boring stuff, some talk about technological transformation (like we had with Reliance Jio), multilateral institutions (whatever that means) etc.

Then the "last one" really sticks it in the eye, if you are a womaan that is. It calls for women-led development, as a last resort I suppose. But then, I think it's a pointer that will keep the feminists busy while the Americans try to agree on the definition of a woman and impose it on the rest of us.

Expect more enlightening Starbucks ads to come our way when they do.

Hey there Arpit-ah "👋🏻"

And if you thought women were the last bit on the agenda, there are some African Union invitees in the post script. The MoES website doesn't mention them but the G20 Wikipedia Page for Delhi Summit does.

Even we are ignoring those literally poor souls, and we expect the Americans to understand that "Black Lives Matter"?

There's even talk of giving the African Union voting rights, but it's the restoration of the Ukranian grain-deal that they really need.

Some New Indians may even fault Gandhi (apart from blaming him for the partition) for spoiling the Africans with these hopes of more voting rights. Speaking of partition, where are our prodigal cousins? Happily destroying the Indian batting order in the Asia Cup 2023 it seems, while their population scrapes through yesterday's biryani bowls.

What all can we expect from the G20 Summit?

First off, try saying G20 2023, feels like a cricket match. Which it is, different sides batting for different things while the crowd watches on.

Now then, in terms of outcomes, you can bet on failure to arrive on a consensus. The Japanese Prime Minister has already termed collaborations as "difficult", given India's reluctance to criticise Russia for its actions in Ukraine. But we do have a bunch of Sukhois and Migs to service, and those F-16s don't come cheap Mr. Hiroshima.

And that's really the thing which has the potential to ruin one of Narendra Modi's shining moments. Trust the Americans to harp about the Russians and blame abc to xyz on Putin & Co. The Europeans and Japanese are simply tagging along to nod and wave when that happens.

It has become a recurring theme for the West to hijack international forums to push their partisan agendas and disregard regional sensitivities and alliances. As the Indian Foreign Minister, Mr. Jaishankar, rightly put it to a western media hawk, the West has this habit of thinking that their problems are our problems while driving their Teslas and spending billions to turn our tweets into 'X' marks.

On a lighter note, our PM is gonna have opportunities aplenty to hand out his famous "Namo Hugs".

I think I forgot to mention Trudeau in the list of arrivals. But who cares, it's Canada.

Takeaways for the common man?